Wow. I'm really terrible at this writing full-time stuff.

Mood: sleepy

Since my last visit...

1) I got married.
2) I moved back to Tennessee, but hopefully not for long.
3) I reluctantly (and stupidly, I'm afraid) put some sort of faith back into Ed Bernero and jumped onto a ship that I know will never sail.
4) I got two dogs that I hang out in the dog park with. Yes, I'm that dog owner.
5) I think I want to start writing in this thing regularly again.




6) Oh, and happy birthday Zac Hanson.

Mood: determined

Does ANYONE on earth still read this?

I'm engaged. I live in Pittsburgh. I have an awesome dog.




Bush is out of office!




And that's about it.

Can't really talk right now. Stealing internet from the Apple store on 5th Avenue.




Moved to Astoria, Queens. It's gorgeous. Definitely better than Brooklyn.



(For those who don't know I was held hostage and blah blah blah and I got to spend the day at Riker's Island testifying and blah blah blah. Thought my TW buddies would get a kick out of that. ;)

So I'm moving into a lovely, spacious, luxury apartment with miss Amy Michelle this weekend. Should be fun. It's right in the asscrack of Clinton Hill and Bed-Stuy (though not the warzone part-- no "do or die." Don't even think it's in the 79th precinct.) and the elevator opens up right into the living room and I couldn't be more excited.

And I'm getting a new job tomorrow.

AND I'm starving. Who wants to cook me dinner?








And it's been a long time since this userpic, no?

Mood: excited

Go to HELL.






I hate you.



I hate you.




You're fucking with me.





I hate you.



I hate you.




GO TO HELL.

What the hell is wrong with wearing a size 6?

I'm watching "The Devil Wears Prada" and I really don't understand the comment "2 is the new 4, 0 is the new 2, and 6 is the new 14."

I know I'm not stick figure of the year, but come on. I'm not fat.



Or am I?



If society puts such much premium on the fact that size 6 needs to go in the plus sizes and therefore my opinion of myself is so askew that I'm way off base, will someone please let me know?

Mood: confused

I haven't written in here in FOREVER.

Things are ok, sort of. Not really. I am still in love with my city, but it's getting hard. And I'm getting really homesick. I miss Tennessee more than I ever thought I would but I know that if I left New York I'd regret it later.

I also REALLY need to not be a waitress anymore. I just can't do it for the rest of my life-- I can't.

I'm looking at a stint in rehab if I keep going 90 miles an hour.

I can't keep this shit with Joey up.

I just really kind of want to go home.




Oh, and did I mention I have no money?




And I miss Third Watch.



I bet you all missed my bitching, huh?

Mood: cold
Tunes: The News

So I'm currently sitting at my house in Brooklyn.

Yes, you heard correctly. I'm back in New York City-- with a job, an awesome house, and an extremely safe neighborhood. And my CAR. Thank God.

It's going to work out this time... I can feel it. I think that's why I left on a whim without saying goodbye to anyone.





Oops.

Current Location: Brooklyn, NY
Mood: FREEZING.

1. Dawson Leery (Dawson's Creek)
2. Maurice Boscorelli (Third Watch)
3. Joan Girardi (Joan of Arcadia)
4. Kevin Girardi (Joan of Arcadia)
5. Joey Potter (Dawson's Creek)
6. Faith Yokas (Third Watch)
7. Ty Davis (Third Watch)
8. Bobby Caffey (Third Watch)
9. Adam Rove (Joan of Arcadia)
10. Carrie Bradshaw (Sex & the City)
11. Mr. Big (Sex & the City)
12. Kim Zambrano (Third Watch)

( I get way too involved in my shows, me thinks. )

Mood: bored

I was wearing a Superman shirt (how ironic) and dark Tommy Hilfiger jeans that were two sizes too big. My hair was in a stubby ponytail and my feet were adorned with brown Doc Martens, while I carried my blood red Jansport backpack around as if nothing was wrong.

Someone ran through the hallway screaming. Greiman went to check it out, and upon her arrival we turned on the news. I knew something had to be wrong, because Ben actually lifted his head up from the desk.

I switched classes.

I couldn't handle it. I had my teacher sign my hallpass as a bathroom run, but instead I ran to the pay phone to call my mom. However, I didn't have change and had to put a dollar in the soda machine and retrieve a Dr. Pepper in order to get 35 cents. I didn't have to say anything to my mother-- her first words upon knowing it was me were "I'll send your dad."

I left the soda by the machine while I waited for my father, fearing that I'd be found out if I returned from the restroom with a can. It was gone by the time I went back to get it on my way out.

My dad came to pick me up in the Safari. He had it on B97.5, but since every station was running continuous newscasts I didn't put up a fight with him to change it. I heard it fall as we were pulling into my driveway, and I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know what was happening--- I could just hear the rumble. But I still couldn't fix it. I was helpless. I was a naive 15 year old in Knoxville, TN who would never think anything like this could happen; that my favorite city would be under seige.

My dad left me alone, so I walked to the Apostolic school and met Justin. We went to the Little Caeser's and bought a pizza, before heading to Radio Shack where we were the only customers and I watched WTC 7 fall.

Then he took me home, where I listened to our "awesome" president address the nation.

And then I cried.





Five years later and I remember every detail, and as I watch the sunrise come up over Manhattan on live TV, a piece of me is still missing-- much like a piece of New York is still missing. It's through my tears that I type this, and I can't help but wonder if it will always be like this... forever. Will it ever go away?

Will New York ever look the same?

Will the sun ever come up in the same fashion as it did at one point in time?

Five years later and I still ask these questions.

My guess? The answer is no.

Mood: cold
Tunes: CNN

So I am watching a show on Discovery Health about a 16 year old who weighs 468 pounds. Methinks I'll take my size 6 and be happy and thankful.

These shows are certainly sobering.

Mood: thankful

( interests meme. )

A couple of shipper videos... long overdue.

Right Here Waiting

Scars





Bad Habits is coming. Just be patient.

Mood: bored

For all of my fellow Third Watchers, there's a new chapter of Failure of Imagination posted in the general stories section of TW.net. Short but sweet. Have a look.

I miss Joey.

I miss Amy Michelle. (Who, by the way, does NOT need to be getting so trashed and then taking the train home alone! *insert angry face here*)

I miss New York City.

But I know that if I don't finish school before I go back it'll just be the same problem. But then what? Amy will probably be gone by the time I get there and Joey will either be dead or married because he knocked some scrawny broad up and made her lose her (lack of) figure. Whatever.

Now the million dollar question... I've been considering my options for quite some time, and there are two things that I ALWAYS go back to, no matter what. Criminology or music industry?

Mood: confused
Tunes: Joey DeGraw - Exhortation (with the weird talking chick)

I'm HOME.




Oh my God. My bed, my car, non-ghetto internet, cable television, silent air conditioning, no Uncle Creepy in the window, no gunfire, no disgusting roommates... right now I'm saying I won't leave as soon as I thought I would, but I know tomorrow I'll cry (or something) because I can't be at the Bitter End.

Maybe I'll just get rich and hire Joey. He can sleep here, and I'll keep him up PLUS give him a salary.

Or something.

My real bed calls my name.




Goodnight(morning).

Mood: ecstatic
Tunes: Something on CABLE.

So I can't find a job, and I don't want my parents to keep me up. Not to mention I HATE this neighborhood and I was practically shot at the other day, and the apartment is absolutely disgusting. I don't know how my roommates can stand living this way. And they wonder why I spend all of my time in my room... because it's the only fucking room that's clean!!

Not to mention the fucking 8TH GRADE shit I have to deal with because I'm apparently a terrible friend.

I'm just done.

I think I'm headed home for a while. The only problem is... how the hell do I tell my roommates?

Mood: annoyed
Tunes: Aimee Mann - High on Sunday 51

Ok, so I haven't made a real entry in forfuckingever.

The rundown--

I still don't have a job. It sucks.

I still hate the Bronx. That also sucks.

I miss my car. I miss Nashville. I miss cheap cigarettes.

My heart's here, people. I am in love with the city on a level I could never express but I need to be here when I can live how and where I want to as opposed to settling just to settle.

I'd leave tomorrow and come back later if I knew everything would be the same when I got back, but it won't be. What would I be giving up?

My new friends whom I love more than anything.

The nightly music I've become so accustomed to.

And more importantly (and possibly the best reason to fucking leave), him. I mean, I wouldn't be leaving him, but at the same time I would always have to wonder if I gave up some golden opportunity. I know the answer is 'no' but there's always going to be that little devil on my shoulder rubbing it in my face.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave.




But is there really anything I can do about it?


(and in honor of BLEECKER...)

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

And everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Everyone knows
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Current Location: The Bronx.
Mood: uncomfortable
Tunes: The Fray - Cable Car

No, I'm not dead. Yes, I hate heat waves.

Spent Saturday night in the ER.

I want out of the Bronx.

I can't find a job.

Part of me wants to go home until I can save up enough money to get a place in Brooklyn. What's everyone think?

VoicePost 498K 5:14

(no transcription available)